I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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