So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
