Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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