When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
