Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
