fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
