and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
