she looked like the before picture.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
