she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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