this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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