goodnight i made you a song goodbye
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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