Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
