3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
