ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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