Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
