He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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