it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
