I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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