Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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