i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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