There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
