Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
