apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
