after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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