cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
