I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
