She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i think i just lost a toe
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