this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
