this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
