We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
