yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You ruined the universe
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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