he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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