There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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