No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
