and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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