Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
