Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
