you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
