I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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