he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
