did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
