it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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