dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
