her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
