:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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