yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
