the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
