just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Bring me that man meat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
