Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
