Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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