I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
