awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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