Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and she was petting her beer can
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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