okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize