Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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