The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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