It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I party with great urgency now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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