Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
