i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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