i love accidental penises.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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