He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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