I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
