my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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