Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize