I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
