low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
