Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
