high people should be assigned attendants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
