I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
