The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
