I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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