I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
