I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
